Brent Blogs

So I’m sitting in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday. Rebecca is playing the organ and the passing of the Sacrament just started. Rebecca commonly stays seated on the stand during the Sacrament and comes and sits down after it’s over. She is hidden behind the organ and can’t see what transpires next. As the bread comes to me, I take a piece and then give a piece to Ellie. I put my head down for a couple seconds and then look up to see Ellie gagging on the bread. I can see the bread stuck on the roof of her mouth so I don’t panic too badly. (After all, how can you be choking on food that you can see?) All of a sudden she starts doing some pretty violent dry heaves trying to dislodge the bread from the top of her mouth. As I reach over to stick my finger in her mouth to help, that’s when the floodgates open. She hurls about 4 days worth of food all over me, her new dress and the pew. (She must be some sort of camel storing up all that food). I’m trying to stop the flow, clean her up, and clean the bench all at the same time. (Keep in mind, the sacrament is still being passed to the rest of the congregation who is now paying more attention to a vomiting child instead of their baptismal covenants.) A neighbor of mine sitting close by me comes over to help and also another women who quickly whisks Ellie away and takes her outside. I’m standing there trying to clean the “spew on the pew” while I can hear my child wailing in the foyer. At this point, I run out of wipes and decide that there is nothing more I can do about cleaning the “spew on the pew” so I go out to the foyer to grab the girl. I take her into the bathroom and take her dress off. The only thing she is now wearing is a diaper and tights. I spend a few moments cleaning the vomit off me and her and then stroll down the hallway with a near naked child in one arm and a chunk stained dress in another. As I get to the foyer I see nearly 50% of our ward (this is the portion who can’t make it to church on time) getting the water passed to them. Both Ellie and I am an incredible site to see and once again people are forgetting about their baptismal covenants and viewing the spectacle that is us. Of course, I am supposed to teach primary right after Sacrament Meeting and Rebecca (who still has no idea that anything is going on) has to continue playing the organ for the congregational and closing hymns. Therefore, I have to take Ellie home to get her cleaned up. So I wrap my spew ridden suit coat around Ellie to keep her warm and head to the car. On the way out I ask my co-teacher to start class without me and tell him I’m not sure when I will be back. As I get home, Ellie does something uncommon. She walks straight to her high chair and motions that she wants to sit in it. I’m assuming she wants food due to her stomach having been completed emptied 15 minutes prior. So, like any good father who just had a child nearly choke to death, I put her in the high chair and give her a hot dog to eat. After all, no child has ever choked on a hot dog before. As Ellie is eating, the phone rings and its Rebecca. Apparently she quickly found out something had happened when she went to sit down and realized that both Ellie and I were gone and there were remnants of “spew on the pew”. I tell her that I have everything under control and that I will just put Ellie in the bathtub to clean her up, get her dressed, and then bring her back to church. She tells me to just stay home (Sweet!!!) and not to worry about bringing her back.

The story does end happily ever after as both father and daughter are doing well and had a bonding moment which we can reminisce for years to come. Oh, and since Rebecca missed out on all the action, she was the one who had to go back to the church later that evening with a carpet cleaner and really clean things up.

The before church pic: (don't worry, we won't post the after pic)